’cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won’t bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring us down
Don’t you bring me down today

Christina Aguilera – Singer

I have had a love affair with McDonald’s french fries since October 1977. Yes, I do actually remember the first day I ate them in Fairfield, CA (where my parents still live).  When I’m home I still go to that same McDonald’s.  In fact I even had a birthday party there when I was 8.  Just to say the word “McDonald’s” always brought a smile to my face.

6 days ago I was in McDonald’s in Studio City (not far from Hollywood) with Small Baby.  Getting, of course, french fries.  It was our first trip to McDonald’s together.  As we walked through the restaurant waiting for our order an elderly Caucasian man standing by the soda fountain called me (or small baby or both) a nigger.  Just like that.  Bam.  I knew our trip to the M word would be a first for small baby, but I had no idea it would not be the type of first I had planned.

It’s not the first time I’ve been called a nigger and I know it won’t be the last.  It hurts me whenever someone says it, but it almost killed me when it was said in front of, or perhaps to, my child. 

My tried and true readers know I lack the ability to let things go.  I turned on a dime and walked straight up to that old geezer and said “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY”?  And of course that coward didn’t want to repeat himself.  I said “I BELIVE YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING AS I PASSED AND I’D LIKE YOU TO SAY IT TO MY FACE”.  He couldn’t speak.  He couldn’t even make eye contact with me.   

And while I had originally planned to take my food to go, in that moment, I just couldn’t.  I felt compelled to stay there.  I sat one seat away from him and though we didn’t say another word to each other my presence said enough.  It said I am your equal.  You are not better than me. You don’t intimidate me.  I don’t have to enter from a different door or sit in the back or serve you or ask your permission to feel like a human being.  I am beautiful.  No matter what you say.  This brown skin is beautiful.  And no sir, your ignorant words can’t bring me down. 
Though Small Baby will never remember that day I will never forget it.  So much has changed in this country, but sadly, so much remains the same.  I wish I could say words can’t hurt, but that’s not true.  They can and they do.  But that moment in the M Word gives me time to deal with the N Word.  Time to think of how I need to prepare Small Baby for a future that I can’t ignore and that he can’t hide from. I have to figure out, now, how to teach him to deal with such things.  I have to build him up so the world can’t bring him down.

TODAY’S THINK TANK:  Have you ever been in a situation where someone really got under your skin or hurt you?  How did you handle it?  Is it best to confront or ignore or is there some shade of gray in there that’s a better solution? 

P.S.

Mom, I know you’re going to read this and freak and and call me and ask the police to get video surveillance footage of that man and call cousin David at the Pentagon and ask him to use facial recognition technology to find this old nut job, hunt him down like Christian Louboutin shoes on clearance, and then kill him, but I’m fine.  Your grandson is fine.  Don’t freak out.  I love you.